Welcome to the second round of the first interactive session. In this session, we have two poems by Allison Haferman-Johnson and Natasha Pasch. Just a reminder to all those members who haven’t submitted their entries as yet, the last date to submit your work is tomorrow. All the entries should come in by tomorrow.We will have a new activity from Monday. Here are the poems:
“The Girl Who Snuffed Herself Out”
By Allison Haferman- Johnson
her mind is a persistent tangle
of Regret chasing Wish
stifling Desire.
eyes pour out of her head
while winter pushes back against her cheeks
like cool linen, its soothing underbelly.
“this is how time is”
she explains to herself
from behind her sitting window.
“with each rise of my chest,
heeltoetonguetakebackfeel,
this is how time is.”
the shape of loss becomes her.
blurred, perpetual edges
coiled into something she exhaled
pushing food, drink
and anything
away.
she is
dug inside herself
half smiling in the direction
from which silence comes.
2.Manic Psychosis- Natasha Pasch
screeching manic terror of crimson irises
violent psychosis overpowers
placid—then anvil!
possession rushes over
the bottle drives focus
shivers of torture-blood warms
flashes sucumb my amygdale
hyperactivity of slashing
faster, harder–faster
shattering windows of wits end
closely appearing
intensifying……..
in site, but blurred
weighted, heavily crude
the grey shades colliding
drawing for ions
unrestrained cranium
speckling of molecular bumps
twitching and noncontrolling soft hands
cannot squeeze the fresh juice of reality
an existence of anguish–manipulation
the clear liquid gushes the rim
only blunt footsteps on the wooden door
not even the bright ocean skies can save you
Miracle Bond 
@allison A very good example of descrptive writing I must say. You have followed the rules very smartly and made every line live with some great word usage. We personally love the way you have started the poem. The description that you have mentioned about the girl creates an image in our mind. Though the line “the shape of loss becomes her.” interupts the flow of the poem. Just try to change that. Else, everything is perfect.
I really love this poem
Thank you!
I really enjoyed the description and word usages. all of the intense descriptions made me wonder what was going to be said next, it took me on a mental ride filling with different imagery. i like how this poem could be interpreted by others in a different way. it has an abstract feel, which i more so enjoy rather than literal poems where you already know exactly what it is about.
Thank you for your feedback, Natasha! I agree, reading poems that are predictable can be nice and tidy, but I prefer the window seat, letting the words spread out in my mind, blossoming and flashing any which direction. I believe that is when Poetry really becomes Art.
I appreciate your perspective and feedback. I feel very honored and humbled to receive such a positive and yet constructive response. Perhaps that line is not needed? I have read it through a few times sans-line, and I don’t miss it.
The line is surely needed. Just the sentence formation has to be changed.
I appreciate your perspective and feedback. I feel very honored and humbled to receive such a positive and yet constructive response. Perhaps that line is not needed? I have read it through a few times sans-line, and I don’t miss it.
Allison,
I agree this is a wonderful poem, very descriptive. I like it!
@natasha the flow of the poem is very nice. The poem could be read aloud very comfortably. As for the descrption, it’s done perfectly. We think that there is a need of punctuation marks at some points, that will just get the poem in more flow. Rest everything is fine for us. Let’s see what other members think about it.
I really enoy this poem, I kind of like the poem as is- without puntuation. I felt this was intended, your perspective of how a manic would be thinking; everything spilling out- jumbled their head.