Interactive Session 2-Round 1

9 Nov

Welcome to the second interactive session of the Miracle Bond! In this session we have poems by Shanice Blackwood and Pius Nyondo in response to our Descriptive Writing Task and also a poem by Natasha Pasch in response to the Future Writing Task. Remember, the last day to submit your entries for this activity is 12th November 2012. We will have another round of this interactive session tomorrow. All those members whose works come in before the tomorrow’s round, will be displayed in the tomorrow’s interactive session. Do not forget to post in your views!

1. A Night’s Rest – Shanice Blackwood

 

A passionate morning awoke me by surprise as it’s autumn sun desperately shone in the lonely shadows that took retreat within my cavernous habitat.

The meaning of life changed as I breathe a new song of freedom from my king-size domain. No longer will i glaze in agony upon the emptiness that surrounds me.

Never has my feet touched the ground with such eagerness, my persistent heart cries out in joy, my body embraces the uncharted waters of this new day.

Ah! The sensational powers of this given gift sends my body soaring into the sky. For it shall be heard that consistence does the mind, body and soul wonders.

Just once, one try brings you to a pause, where all you’ve known has been erased. All because of a sweet and peaceful repose.

 

2.Waiting for a Death Day -Pius Nyondo

 

I can hear you whispering,

Strongly, disturbingly like an evil spirit.

I can see you beckoning me,

Enticingly, spiritedly, professionally,

Like a young lover who is burning with love.

 

If only you could let me hear the tone of your voice,

If only you could let me see how your face looks,

May be I could have known how to convice you,

How to approach you so that you spare me,

For a few more years.

 

Yet, your agent: this virus!

Refuses to leave me alone despite me trying to,

It crawls, sports and messes around with my health,

Punishing me, having fun in my blood,

Wanting me to go sooner than later.

 

I am hopeless, I am nothing,

And yet you smile for soon you will be a victor,

Yet again, for the umpteenth time,

I am only waiting for when you will strike, bad friend;

I am only waiting for my death day.

 

“Galaxy” – Natasha Pasch

As a wee little girl

Looking up

Monochromatic sky

Gaunt, yearning

For that one specific star

To be replaced by flying cars

Talking robots

Martians, Aliens

I wanted the Jetson’s.

 

So, I could fly with the robots,

fly with the dinosaurs,

fly with a new family

Live the googie lifestyle

 

This escape to a space age utopia

Orbiting the surreal lands

“One day it will be possible”, I whisper.

 

Fast forward

As a wee young lady

All I could ponder

All I could conclude was,

why extraterrestrials were hiding?

Why were machines not looming?

 

All I sought,

all I dreamt, was

to see the higher aura.

 

Why couldn’t I touch the clouds?

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4 Responses to “Interactive Session 2-Round 1”

  1. Shreyas Tripathy November 10, 2012 at 4:21 am #

    @Shanice Blackwood – I loved the way you drove your poem through the lazy, uninspiring morning to the scintillating sensation of “sends my body soaring into the sky”
    I just failed to feel it at a very deep level… Maybe it wasn’t as descriptive as should’ve been…

    @Pius Nyondo – I was absolutely thrilled by the idea of your poem !!! AMAZING !!! Very well described I must say…. The last stanza kinda makes you feel itchy inside as if something, maybe a virus, is crawling right beneath my skin … Great work !

    @Natasha Pasch – WOW ! Nice idea ! Looks like a good future to have 🙂 You really let your imagination go wild there 🙂

    • Natasha November 12, 2012 at 5:25 am #

      @Shanice Blackwood–This was really descriptive and I felt like I was the character in this- taking and soaking in all of what the morning offers!

      @ Pius Nyondo- I really enjoyed the darkness of the poem and the eerie factor. I thought the poem flowed well and it ended properly and at the right point

  2. Lesley November 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm #

    Shanice,
    I wish I was this optimistic when awake each morning! You have a very good message, that every day brings new hope and a chance for something good to happen. If I were to critique anything I would say, I felt the second stanza a bit out of context; I understand what you mean but the rest of the poem is energizing and full of restoration. I would say it needs to be first and the first stanza second (but then you’d prob have to reword). Like keeping everything in order: we go to bed unhappy then wake up renewed. You’ve done a great job, with a wonderful idea- just needs a small tweek 🙂

    Pius,
    This is really good! I like the idea of a terminally ill person questioning their disease; very original. I liked it better the second time I read through it- because I feel like the first time I was distracted by too many words in some of the lines. This is only my opinion but I think a great poem could be turned into an fantastic poem; let me show you what I mean, Let’s take the first stanza. You know how you wrote, this is how I would:

    I can hear you whispering,
    Strongly, disturbingly, an evil spirit.
    Beckoning me,
    Enticingly, spiritedly, professionally,
    A young lover burning with love.

    I think making it kinda choppy like this (all stanzas) would add to the tone/mood of the poem, turning your great poem into something much more. Great Job!!

    Natasha,
    This is really great! I think many of us can relate to what you are saying. Perhaps the Fast Forward part should be written in the present tense. Great Poem!!

  3. Shanice Blackwood November 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

    @ Pius- i sensed the the determination to live, and the battle to try to even convince deal that maybe it’s too soon
    Yet i also understood that all you can do is wait. Seems a bit depressed waiting for death. It was beautiful written.. good job.

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